廢墟,意即支離破碎的過時空間體,它同時也在我們生活中,與當下的新文明並存。引述德國哲學家華特‧ 班雅明所言:廢墟的殘敗破碎之美,是一種在時間終點上,帶給人的驚嘆與震撼。在一次偶然的探索裡,我在廢墟之中感受到場域與時間的快速消逝,然而這種「消逝」的感受,並不像生命的對立面。廢墟是眾多文明的起點之始,也是最終歸屬,就如同班雅明認為「時間不是重要的」,反而關注在回憶中特有的「瞬息」和「零碎」,回憶會在某些特定的時刻被主體經驗喚出,它們具有超越時間順序的能力,賦予強烈的徵兆訊息,傳遞給人全新的思想和經驗,促使自我重生的思考過程。廢墟空間的靈光迴映,就是預告此刻的永恆存在。這不是一次貿然地在荒屋的旅行體驗,對我來說,因為這場偶然契機,得以重新審視自己的人生階段:童年時期、青春期、成年期乃至而立之年,無可否認,變化是衰朽與消亡的過程,每次的變化,都帶來不同的樣貌、思想和記憶,就如姚瑞中先生所言:「我們並非出生,然後死去,而是我們一直都在死去」。是的,最終一切都將成為未來的廢墟,而我或許能在個體不斷的消逝中,為了不至於被時間洪流所淹沒,透過某種表達形式,找尋盡頭處的那片迴光。
繪畫是建築自我的手段,如同文明始於廢墟,陰影隨著明光,自我變化來自於新舊更迭。透過繪畫形式,為尋找平面中歸屬之地,而將心理追求平衡的狀態意象化,我將漂白水作為顏料,下筆塗抹、噴灑在黑色棉布上使之侵蝕、消融,使黑暗中褪色出相對的明亮。藉由觀察人物、建築、裝飾符號,透過縫線連結家庭常見的串珠與現成物,也連結了幻覺體驗和物質真實所反思。創作過程是一趟沒有目的地、完全就地取材的旅行,因此我並沒有打草稿的想法和準備,事實上,我不以邏輯預先安排畫面的意義和形象,而是直覺性地與畫布投入某種對話互動,當作品完成的那一刻,我發覺到很多意義精準的形成了。精確之中,必然的失準絕非是惡意的,不打草稿的習慣,期待著計劃中的隨機應變,也是享受創作過程中令人陷入幽玄沉靜,忘卻時間流逝的韻味之處。
Ruins refer to the outdated space of fragments. It is in our lives, coexisting with the present new civilization. Like what German philosopher Walter Benjamin once said, “The beauty of broken ruins brings people wonder and shock at the end of time.” Once I had a chance to explore inside, I felt the fast disappearance of field and time among the ruins. This feeling of “disappearance” is not like the opposite of life. The ruins serve as the starting point of many civilizations, as well as their ultimate home. Like what Benjamin believes, “Time is not important.”Instead, it focuses on the unique “moments” and “fragments” in memories. In certain moments, memories are conjured by body experiences. They have the ability to transcend time sequences, giving off strong signals and transmitting brand new ideas and experiences, prompting the thought process of self-rebirth. The aura reflection of the space of ruins serves as a prediction of the eternal existence of this moment.
This is not a rash travel experience in a desolate house. For me, it is because of this fortuitous opportunity that enabled me to re-examine my own stages of life: Childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and even thirty years of age. There is no denying that change is a process of decay and dissolution. Each change brings different appearances, thoughts, and memories. It is like what Yao Jui-Chung said, “We are not born and then dead. Instead, we keep dying.” Yes, eventually everything will become ruins. In order not to be inundated by time, perhaps I can see the light at the end of the tunnel through some form of expression among the continuous vanishing of the individual.
Painting is a means of self-construction; as civilization began in ruins, shadows follow light, and self-change comes from the changes of the old and new. Through the form of painting, I searched for a plane where I can belong, psychologically pursuing an equilibrium of imagism. I use bleach as a pigment to smear and spray on black cotton to create corrosion and ablation, so it fades out to a relative brightness in the darkness. By observing people, architecture, and decorative symbols, I connect beads and found objects, commonly seen in the family, through sutures to link together the reflections of hallucinations and substance. The creative process is a journey without a destination or making complete use of local materials. Thus, I did not make ideas or preparations for a draft. In fact, I did not use logic to pre-arrange the meanings and images of the picture. Instead, I intuitively invested in some kind of dialogue and interaction in the canvas. In the moment that the work was completed, I found that a lot of meanings were precisely formed. Precisely, inevitable misalignment is by no means malicious. My habit of not making drafts is due to my looking forward to adapting in a plan. It is also the charm that to enjoy sinking in the unseen quiet and forgetting the passage of time among the creative process.